I am made of waves

The 3 biggest mistakes I've made while caring for my hair that you should absolutely avoid.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my hair care and I'm sure I still do some.

But there are three mistakes that I notice again and again with my readers, for example when I read sentences like this:

“My hair looks like yours in the previous photo. Can you tell me about your products? "

"I've tried soooo many products, but nothing helps and my curls just don't look the way I want them to."

"Which products can you recommend to me?"

"How do I manage to make my curls even more curly?"

I recognize myself 100% in these sentences. But unfortunately they also show that many curly haired heads make exactly the same mistakes that I have made for years.

And these mistakes cost a lot of money, time, and energy. But most of all, it also kicks your self-confidence up the butt again and again. And I do not want that. Your poor self-esteem bum 😉

Therefore, I will show you in detail below and explain how you can recognize and avoid these errors:

1. I didn't know my own curls

By far the biggest mistake I've made for years was that I had no idea how my hair actually ticked. I knew that I had such shaggies on my head that felt like straw growing out of my head (so you really couldn't call it curls at the time).

When I started doing curly hair care 4 years ago and reading ingredients & blog posts, I completely ignored one thing:

My own hair.

That might sound a bit strange now, after all, hair care is about hair.

But the way I did it, it was about ingredients, oils, products, other curly hairs and what works and what doesn't. But it wasn't about what works for my hair.

I just had no idea what my hair needed.

Ok I knew they weren't smooth. Somehow curly and also dry. I didn't know any more. It didn't even occur to me that maybe I could and should know more about my hair.

I thought it didn't matter.

For me it was just important to try out new products or to follow some rules. I just thought that way I get the curls like the girls from the pictures. After all, their before pictures looked like my hair!

So I chose my products using the Curly Girl method. I paid attention to the harmful ingredients and followed the rules. Then it should work after all ...

Unfortunately that didn't work. My hair was pretty nice at the beginning, but after 2-3 weeks it became straggly, I developed dandruff and my scalp started to itch. I was frustrated and annoyed. Wasn't the right care for me after all.

You could assume that I finally came to the realization and understood that I have to choose products based on my hair.

Puff cake.

I thought ... then I just have to try this product or that method.

It was only after half a year and a lot of money (596.20 € to be precise) that I got the idea that I might have to examine my own curls. So I started to deal with hair and hair structure and only then did I finally begin to understand my curls and adapt my care accordingly.

So what can you learn from my mistake?

Deal with your hair.

How do you feel How do you look? How do you react?

You should really watch this every day, or at least after every wash day. If you are as nerdy as me, you write down these observations and document them in a curly diary (Instagram is also perfect for this - also works privately and without influencer intentions ;-)). This is the only way to find out how your hair reacts to certain products, combinations, surroundings, application techniques, etc.

You should also know the properties (hair thickness, porosity, elasticity, etc.) of your hair. This article can help you with that.

Also, if you know your hair, you'll make the 2nd mistake a lot less often.

2. I bought products on a recommendation

And there were really many. My bathroom looked like a drugstore.

I only bought products because blogger X, Youtube star Y or someone from a Facebook group recommended them and had good experiences with them. I wanted the same curls and I paid no attention to whether the products also fit my hair or not.

I've spent hundreds of dollars (see mistake # 1) just hoping to get those curls.

But that backfired and I didn't understand why at all.

Only after I started to deal with my hair and found out that my fine hair absolutely can't stand shea butter, for example, did I know why. Because almost all of my products contain shea butter. Do not get me wrong. Shea butter isn't inherently harmful, the butter can be a great ingredient if your curls like it too.

Therefore, please do not trust any product recommendation blindly.

Yeah, not mine either.

I can only examine the curl products that I list on my blog for harmful ingredients. They are basically suitable for curls. What I can't do, however, is adapt shampoo, conditioner, etc. to your personal hair. Unfortunately, this cannot be done remotely 😉

Therefore, do not blindly buy the products on my blog. Always read through the ingredients beforehand and check whether they also fit your hair.

If you have no idea how to go about it, get my e-book "Smart curly hair care - find your ideal care products in just 6 steps". In addition, as a gift with the book, there is a bonus list with over 70 product recommendations, all of which cost less than € 10. Because with the background knowledge from the book, such a product list really brings you something and you can confidently check the ingredients and choose the care that really suits you and your hair.

But none of that was as bad for my self-confidence as the following mistake:

3. I have compared myself to others

In fact, I've always compared myself to others, at least when it came to my hair.

In the past, before the Internet, it was my friends and the ladies from television. Almost all of my friends had straight and shiny hair. They never seemed to have any problems (when they nagged about frizz in the rain, I just laughed out loud) and I was so jealous of their head of hair.

Even in the evenings on the couch while watching TV, I was constantly overwhelmed by bad feelings about my hair. After all, the lady from the advertising kept telling me about silky straight hair, the ideal of beauty is bad.

I then felt ugly when I was 16. And that's only because of my hair.

I hated and hid my curls. Most of the time in a braid, sometimes I straightened it with a straightening iron or hairdryer. At least that was how they were shiny. However, I didn't look like myself, much older and the straight hair just didn't match my chaotic & happy character.

In the end, only the scissors helped.

It wasn't until I was 25 that I finally started to accept my curls and from then on I wanted to get the best out of them.

But honestly, the same crap started all over again. Only this time in a different direction.

It was no longer the advertising that frustrated me, but the great curly pictures on the Internet and the perfectly styled curly heads on YouTube. I wanted exactly that hair! I sat in front of the laptop for days and weeks, watched videos and put my hair in hair masks for hours. That would all have been ok if I hadn't expected to get the curls immediately every time like the one in the photo or video.

I was desperate, frustrated, and annoyed.

Fortunately, over time, I became more relaxed, my curls healthier, and I started to love them. Still, I always wanted more.

I wanted them to be curly. Much curly. I sat in front of the computer for hours again and tried to find out how my curls could be made even more curly. I've tried all kinds of things: used curl enhancers, tried finger coiling, kneaded until I dropped, etc.

But none of this really brought anything.

But let's be honest, how should I turn my 2c / 3a curls into 3b / 3c hair without a perm or curler ?!

You surely guessed it. Not at all!

So I actually thought about getting a perm * shame on me *.

I had beautiful waves / curls and still that wasn't enough. How crazy the world is. 15 years ago I wanted straight hair for the devil and 1.5 years ago it couldn't be curly enough.

Only after I started writing this blog in 2018 and helping other curly haired people to accept their hair and learn to love it, did I realize that I myself do not accept my natural curls 100% and love as they really are.

I find it difficult here to admit that in front of you today. But that's exactly how it was.

But insight was the key.

Afterwards I examined my thoughts and my behavior carefully and realized that I had fallen into the same pattern again as at 16. I compared myself to others and made myself bad and (again) trampled on my self-confidence.

Today I don't compare myself anymore. At least, most of the time. And if it does, I notice it much faster and I can counteract it.

Today I love my natural curls as they are.

Sometimes more wavy. Sometimes more curly. Sometimes more frizzy. Sometimes more defined.

I still try many methods, techniques, and products and take care of my curls a lot. Far beyond normal * cough *. But today I don't do it to want to be different, but because I enjoy it and enjoy it.

So if you don't want to make the same mistake as me, please stop comparing yourself to others.

Love your curls / waves as they are by nature and care for them to lure out the hidden potential and enjoy the change. But don't expect them to turn your hair into snazzy Instagram curls or to be conjured up from beautiful waves, afro curls. Or the other way around 😉

Conclusion

These were by far my three biggest mistakes that, after I eliminated them, brought the greatest change, both internally and externally. A few years ago I would have wished for a curly haired friend who would show me these mistakes and help me not or no longer make them.

That would have saved me so much time and money.

So I hope that I was able to help you with this article today and that you care for your natural curls, waves or afro hair with even more fun and self-love in the future :-).