Can INTPs ever really understand each other completely?

Huhu, you intro and ambitious people :)

For everyone who can do something with the terms INFJ, 5w4, HSP and pansexuals, they actually already know a lot about me. I've been introverted for as long as I can remember, I've always had trouble getting into conversation with people, thawing out, and I need a lot of alone time. If I didn't live in the age of the Internet, I would have become a hermit, but without religious reference. I would have lived somewhere in a hut in the forest and stood hissing behind the window (with my 38 cats) as soon as someone approached my little house. xD
Large groups and crowds are very stressful - shopping is war. (Especially huge supermarkets with lots of people, loud noises, bright lights, far too many different smells and smells. Not only did I have a migraine attack in a supermarket that almost knocked me out.) So I avoid shopping centers like the coronavirus. My humor is sometimes a bit dry and / or snappy, my sense of none of it is bad.

In interpersonal situations I am unintentionally awkward, I often notice people that they find me strange. I then try to cover it up with bad jokes. I am square while they are round. (Do you understand what I mean by that ...? I can't put it any better.) Since we've got it from corners: I'm someone who thinks about them, who doesn't feel belonging to any group despite similarities and is one of the optimistic cynics.
Actually, I am a walking contradiction in terms. Highly sensitive, yet tough; kind of a bit lonely as soon as I'm around people, but I lack nothing while a good song is playing. I may be alone, but I cannot be without closeness. I often understand the feelings of others effortlessly and can empathize with them, while I always have to decipher mine first and disassemble myself in the process until I know what my problem is. I can continue the list forever.

For me, small talk is THE horror, so I prefer to take the stairs. I only buckle on 13 floors. : D I find it exciting how good some people are at making small talk.
Sometimes I argue with myself because I can't decide how to think about a topic - the struggle is real. Well, the idealistic side doesn't always get along with the realistic one. ._.
As a loner, I don't like working in teams, which is why I chose to be self-employed. It's not official yet, it will be soon. Professionally, I haven't been successful so far, and I've never dared to take the step in the right direction. For years I had no idea what to do with myself and I spent enormous amounts of time and energy on pressing myself into prefabricated forms.
I used to want to flee to the end of the world, from problems, worries, people, from childhood experiences, not anymore.
I keep contact with people as one-on-one as possible, small groups are okay in moderation, provided they are the right people. I'd rather watch than really take action when given a choice. Besides, I'm shy. My partner had to take off his armor of shyness to crack mine. Maybe I'm extreme. I suppose we wouldn't be together either, if he hadn't dared to go back then. : x

Hobbies:
I play a lot on the PC or on the console and pen & paper (currently DSA). Yoga and meditation help me stay calm and moving. Read everything I can get my hands on, including scientific articles and studies on spiders, to find out if they really crawl in mouths while you sleep (the answer is no). I also list a lot of useless knowledge and philosophize. Walks away from cities are quite pleasant. I especially like horror and science fiction films and series, while I often prefer to read fantasy, I notice. I'm interested in almost everything, including funny GIFs and memes. : D
I am currently turning my favorite hobbies into my profession: writing and painting or drawing. My specialty is making up characters that could also exist in real life. :)

I am looking for like-minded people. After interesting conversations, topics, thoughts, ideas. And, I hardly dare to write that because I don't like to hope at all: a friendship, a connection to someone who understands me or at least tries to do so, with whom I can talk and someone who confides in me. The permission to empathize and experience. I lost my best friend a while ago - no, he's alive, all is well - only he more or less decided to replace me with someone else. More because he constantly moves me, does not answer me or only answers days / weeks later, does not seek any contact with me on his own initiative. Less because there is still contact, superficial and irrelevant. In a nutshell, without depth, without the feeling of connectedness. What is not what I'm made for, I don't need something like that. I could also chat about the weather in an elevator. Feel compelled to take the stairs by my friend's behavior. Tried several times to save the friendship, but the reactions were sobering. It hurt me so much and it still does it now, which is why I have changed this text here what feels like 1,000 times. Who likes to admit to having been written off? That scratches and gnaws at me. This makes me wonder whether I have nothing more to offer. To earlier, I mean. Whether my loyalty is worthless, and the time we spent together, the many shared experiences. Did I do something wrong and if so, what. The loss hurts. I don't even know which is the worst of it ... To me it actually feels like he died. And my attempts at resuscitation failed. v.v.

Sorry for the baggage I just unloaded. : / My day started well anyway and with a warming cup of tea, and I wish you that too. By the way, I've probably been reading for a year now, and now and then I look in here. This is my first time on a forum. o.o I'm happy to be here and hope you can do something with me. :)

Saturday greetings, V.