Why do I always fail 1

∙ ◦ • Psychotherapy forum • ◦ ∙

I fail over and over again!

Post Tue Apr 28, 2009 10:56 am

Hello dear forum,
I am desperate and despise myself for my incompetence, which has made me my whole life.
I just can't do anything. I have NEVER been able to support myself through my own work, and my children are also dependent on their father's maintenance payments, from whom I have been separated for a long time.
I used to be bad at school, stayed twice when that threatened to repeat itself in high school, I dropped out and dropped out of school. Even then my mother said to me: you always give up, you have no ambition. Yes, really, I've always spent everything. Every hobby, every friendship, every job, every internship - as soon as difficulties arise (and they always arise), I withdraw and give up.
And now that: after a lot of back and forth, I have decided to study further. I haven't been in my job for so long, so a refresher and advanced training could only do me good.
Shortly afterwards, I even found a job. I was really happy and happy to finally be able to earn my own money. I prepared myself for work (with disabled children) and went to work with a lot of enthusiasm. Unfortunately, during the introductory process I had been assured of work opportunities that were not even close to being found in practice, so that I could actually only do nursing work. That was not enough for me because I had learned things during my studies that I would like to implement. In addition, there were a number of other things that made my work difficult, and I quit (again). Before I get fired, because they weren't satisfied with me.
It has been like this for as long as I can remember. My first job after school was quit after 4 months. I was too passive. When I was an au pair in England, I changed families three times because either I or the family did not match. Then I did my apprenticeship, which I enjoyed a lot, especially in the theoretical part. I didn't really care about the practice. But at least I finished my training with good results. Then I got pregnant.
I had a lot of small jobs when my kids were little. But I never stayed long. Most of the time I did not meet the requirements, was too slow or made mistakes. At that time I was not dependent on the income, my husband earned enough for all of us.
When I broke up with him (he had a different one), I lived for some time on alimony payments and a mini-job, which I would probably have stayed if I hadn't had an accident. At that time I suffered a brain trauma that threw me off course for over a year. After that things slowly improved again, I lived only on maintenance and child support and now and then a small part-time job.
I remarried and my livelihood was taken care of. Unfortunately my husband died five years later and I was left with nothing again. My children are bigger now, but they still need me.
Through my successful further education, I had dreamed of finally being able to look after myself and children, and now I've already given up again.
What's wrong with me I'm always afraid of not making it, and that's exactly what happens.

I would be happy if someone answers me here. Because I can't even really tell my children and friends. They all think I have a job. I always tell fairy tales there.